Stinger's Girlfriend
***WARNING: Do not read this post if making light of underage sex offends you!***
Stinger has a Lolita wannabe interning at his office! She's fifteen, into bands like Fallout Boy (which she considers 'punk'--oh, the misguided youth of today), and wears low-cut tops. She made him a rubber band stress ball. I had to be the one to break it to him that she was harboring a crush.
Now that he knows, he says he can see it for himself. For instance, he revealed that Lolita has recently been dropping hints about turning 16 soon. As in a daily countdown to the big day. He has wanted to point out to her that turning 16 will not actually make her legal, but has refrained. I think Stinger's favorite thing about this whole situation is how hilarious I find it. Apparently some wives would be upset. But seriously! She hasn't even lost all her baby teeth yet! I'm supposed to be threatened?
Stinger used to joke (during that frenzy over the Olsen twins turning 18, for instance) that girls should be considered fair game as soon as there was grass on the green. I know, ew. But he's learned the error of his ways and has a new standard now: all the adult teeth need to be in place before he'll consider you a woman.
Take that, jailbait! My man has standards.
I think Stinger probably wants you to be a little jealous. Men like that. Trust me. Hotrod gets all smiley when I give him the 3rd degree about women he's come in contact with during his business trips. Like I'm worried someone else might try to take on all his maintenance. Please!
Oddly enough, my word verification is: nomen
Kristen Painter said... November 3, 2008 at 7:55 AM
hm. Fishdog's girlfriend is 10 years younger and lives in Ohio...She definitely has all her adult teeth and a nicer rack than mine... ;)
I think it's so funny how guys are clueless when girls (of any age) are crushing on them. And then when the curtain is opened, it's like OH YEAH! I TOTALLY SEE IT NOW. Um. Duh. We're girls, of course we know when other girls have crushes.
The Girl You Used to Know said... November 3, 2008 at 8:29 AM
Amazing. I mean, he's very charismatic, so it's not surprising, but it scares me that we're now in territory where we're old enough to have people with father issues having crushes on our significant others.
Meg Blocker said... November 3, 2008 at 10:00 AM
I think guys just pretend to be clueless. They always know. The ignorance doesn't fool me.
I want to laugh at this post but have to cringe as the mother of a 14 year old girl. Girls are dangerous with all their newfound power.
You are the smartest women ever! Laugh it off.
Kwana said... November 3, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Gross, I didn't even think about the daddy issues thing.
And seriously, Stinger didn't know. He never knows; he still gets random messages from girls he went to high school with, who are like, "Oh, I had the biggest crush on you!" and he's all "WTF?"
Louisa Edwards said... November 3, 2008 at 11:03 AM
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